Sub training was less useless today... we spent a lot of time on classroom management, but it left me feeling a lot shakier than before I went in. We went over all sorts of "proven" management plans, systems, etc... which initially I thought would give me a lot of good ideas. Then as we went through them all i could think of was that I'd tried them and they didn't work, or wouldn't work in my class... which is entirely the wrong attitude I know, but I'm having a hard time shaking it. Every time I think about going back into my class, I get this nervous feeling in my stomach I haven't had since 7th grade, when I'd get it every day around 7th period as a prelude to getting pounded on in football practice. Hopefully the new, positive approach (8-1 ratio positive/negative comments) and the seating chart will help out tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that I'm not nearly as stress-free as I used to think I was. I always figured I handled stress well because I'd never freak out about stuff, always could stay chill about most things, but it seems that it's found a way to bubble out subconsciously... with teaching, and my thesis beforehand, I've found I get really worked up in the middle of the night for no reason, like there's something really important that I've entirely forgotten to do... I'll lie in bed, semiconscious, not entirely sure what i'm freaking out about, then eventually fall back asleep, and only vaguely remember it in the morning. Really not so much fun, probably should find a better stress-reliever or something... or maybe just get my shit together, figure out how to make my class work, and then i'll sleep well. Worth a shot I guess.